Music: Untouched (The Veronicas)
I have a special treat for everyone (no, it’s not that I’m finally posted after a lifetime!). It’s a little new moon fanfiction I wrote last night. straight out of edward’s head(ward… wow. bad joke. sorry). I’m sorry about not posting. I haven’t been busy so I’m not gonna use that bullshit excuse. If I were busy I would write on here as an alternative to whatever boring task was making me busy. I just have a life, something most bloggers really do get the privelage of having. don’t hate me for saying that.
so, you better enjoy this. I was crying while writing this. edward’s brain is a very sad place to be…
3. THE END
“Do you mind if I come over today?” I asked Bella as we walked to her truck. My perfectly remote and composed mask was on and unbreakable. I was ready.
Today was the day. I had to do this and I had to do it now. I knew that I couldn’t keep procrastinating. It would only hurt us both more.
“Of course not,” she replied.
“Now?”
“Sure,” she said indifferently. “I was just going to drop a letter for Renee in the mailbox on the way. I’ll meet you there.”
I snatched the fat envelope off the passenger seat.
“I’ll do it,” I murmured. “And I’ll still beat you there.” I smiled half-heartedly.
Bella’s face was blank. “Okay.”
It took all of two minutes to drive to the post office and send off Bella’s letter. I drove back to her house and waited in my car, letting the misery take me. I wanted more than anything to put this off just a little bit longer. I would just take one more day with her. Nothing more. Not another hour. Just one more day, and then I would leave….
No. That day would turn into two…three…four… then I would never leave.
Then she would die.
I opened my mouth to scream but no sound escaped.
I heard Bella’s truck turn the corner and watched her pull up next to my own car. I got out and walked around to the driver side to meet her.
Her face was still empty.
I reached to take her book bag from her, but then put it back into her truck. If I took her bag then I would feel compelled to come inside with her to put it away. Then I knew I would never get on with it….
“Come for a walk with me,” I suggested. My voice, like her face, was emotionless. I took her hand and led her toward the forest. My head felt lighter with every step.
We only went a few feet into the trees when I stopped. We were still on the trail so that when she was here and I was gone she could make it home easily.
I leaned against a tree for the support. I felt like I was about to collapse.
“Okay, let’s talk,” Bella said confidently.
I took a deep breath. I never, ever since I met her, thought that these words would escape my lips.
“Bella, we’re leaving,” I choked out.
She took a deep breath, too. “Why now? Another year—”
This cut me deep in my chest. She misunderstood. She thought she was coming with us. With me.
If only.
“Bella, it’s time. How much longer could we stay in Forks after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he’s claiming thirty-three now. We’d have to start over soon regardless,” I explained.
She stared at me, clearly calculating what I had said. I stared back at her, feeling oddly cold. Colder than I’ve ever been.
Her words came in a whisper. “When you say we—”
“I mean my family and myself.” I separated each word for extra emphasis.
Bella’s face changed for the shortest second. The pain that was so unbearably clear on her face was deadly. The first time I’d ever smelt her scent was better than this. I would take it a million times over this.
What have I done?
“Okay,” she said, better composed now. “I’ll come with you.”
No. How about I stay here, instead?
“You can’t, Bella. Where we’re going… it’s not the right place for you.”
“Where you are is the right place for me,” she replied, desperation leaking through her voice.
“I’m no good for you, Bella.”
Oh, how I knew that to be true.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she cried. “You’re the very best part of my life.”
“My world is not for you,” I replied grimly.
Her face started to darken. “What happened with Jasper—that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!”
“You’re right. It’s exactly what was to be expected,” I agreed.
“You promised! In Phoenix, you promised you would stay—”
Another broken promise.
“As long as it was best for you,” I finished.
Then she exploded. “No! This is about my soul, isn’t it? Carlisle told me about that, and I don’t care, Edward. I don’t care! You can have my soul. I don’t want it without you—it’s yours already!”
I took a deep breath and stared down at the ground. I didn’t know what to do. She was probably the single most stubborn human on earth. I only wished that she was stubborn enough to make me stay.
The pain was strong enough to push through the perfected remoteness of my face as I realized what I would have to say next.
“Bella, I don’t want you to come with me.”
I watched her face as she took this in. She was calculating again.
“You… don’t… want me?”
“No,” I muttered.
I stared at her again. Her eyes were glistening with trapped tears. I could easily see by the look on her face that they had no chance of coming out.
“Well that changes things,” she said calmly.
My whole body suddenly numbed. She actually believed me. How on earth could she possibly believe something like that?! The most absurd, ridiculous lie in the world.
I stared at the trees so that Bella couldn’t see the agony that had to be clear in my eyes. “Of course I’ll always love you… in a way.” In every way. “But what happened the other night made me realize that it’s time for a change. Because I’m… tired of being something I’m not, Bella. I am not human.” I turned to face her perfect face again. “I’ve let this go on for much too long and I’m sorry for that.”
“Don’t,” she breathed. “Don’t do this.”
Her words were too late to save me. I already had.
“You’re not good for me, Bella.”
I guess there was no point in the truth anymore when the biggest lie had been told.
“If…that’s what you want.”
I nodded. My head felt detached from my body, like it was spinning off into space, a different dimension.
“I would like to ask one favor though, if that’s not too much,” I said.
“Anything,” she promised.
The remoteness was gone as I decided to beg her for the one and only thing I could ask of her now. The one and only thing that could ever keep me alive.
“Don’t do anything reckless or stupid,” I murmured passionately. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Bella nodded weakly.
I felt the apathy, the numbness creep up on me again. “I’m thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself—for him.”
“I will,” she replied nodding.
“And I’ll make you a promise in return. I promise that this will be the last time you see me. I won’t come back. I won’t put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any interference from me. It will be as if I’d never existed.”
She started to shake.
I smiled gently. “Don’t worry. You’re human—you memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind.”
“And your memories?” It sounded like she was choking.
I hesitated. “Well, I won’t forget. But my kind… we’re very easily distracted,” I lied, trying to smile again.
I stepped away from her. If I didn’t make my escape soon, I’d be here forever. “That’s everything, I suppose. We won’t bother you again.”
Bella’s eyes bugged. “Alice isn’t coming back,” she mouthed.
I shook my head. “No. They’re all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye.”
“Alice is gone?” Her voice was blank.
“She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you.
“Goodbye, Bella,” I said quietly.
I was about to turn away, but then she reached for me and it almost changed everything. I almost took her hands in mine and pulled her towards me. I would never let her go.
That was the selfish thing to do. I had to remind myself that it was not safe for Bella.
I took her wrists and pinned them to her sides. I leaned down and touched my lips lightly to her forehead for a short second.
“Take care of yourself,” I whispered into her skin.
And then I ran. I ran as fast as I could from this, from everything, from everyone. I didn’t know where I was going. I didn’t care. I could have been halfway across the world by now. I could have been in a completely different time and I wouldn’t have noticed.
Because all I could feel was the overwhelming ripping feeling in my chest as my dead, silent heart tore out my chest and to the only place that I could ever feel happiness again.
I kept running. I thought that if I ran fast enough then this stunning pain could not catch up with me.
I was wrong.
I stopped in my tracks, fell to my knees and let the agony take me over.
~
